Embark on a Journey to Emotional Maturity

How Does Emotional Maturity Affect Your Spiritual Growth and Discipleship? 

Spiritual and Emotional Maturity

If I asked you to assess your spiritual maturity, which measures would you use? Reading the Bible, attending church, and even discipling other people may be on your list. While those are all important aspects of spiritual growth, one component that is often overlooked is emotional health. As faithful as we may be in “checking all the boxes,” and as honest as we are in our desire to walk with God, the reality is that our spirituality often fails to touch the deep internal wounds and sin patterns in our lives. For many of us, our past hurts and failures continue to control our present thoughts, emotions, and behavior. We must address this emotional component in our lives if we want to experience deeper spiritual growth; spiritual maturity and emotional maturity are inseparable.

The Kingdom of God and Our Emotions

Why is emotional health so important? I’m glad you asked! In everything we say, do, or think, we are always advancing either the Kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness. If we read our Bible every day and go to church every Sunday, but consistently lash out in anger, minimize other people’s feelings, or hold grudges, then we are not advancing the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 13). The call to salvation is a call to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. It is an ongoing process of sanctification where Jesus is saving us from the power of sin in our lives. This includes saving us from our unhealthy patterns, like how we handle anger, sadness, relationships, and conflict. The more we surrender this aspect of our lives to his lordship, the more our thought processes, emotional experiences, and relationships will be transformed to reflect his Kingdom. 

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship

The transformation we experience in our emotional health will not only affect ourselves, but will also have an undeniable effect on those around us, whether it’s our family, colleagues, friends, or the cashier at Publix who’s taking forever to ring up your groceries. We know we are called to be disciples. Discipleship isn’t just about teaching others to read the Bible. It’s about living a life worthy of the calling you have received (Ephesians 4:1-3), authentically loving people, and living in a way that others would want to imitate. The apostle Paul says to “imitate me as I imitate Christ.” What would it look like if another person imitated how you handled traffic? What if they imitated the kinds of boundaries you have, or don’t have, in your relationships? What about your level of patience? Can you honestly say you would want others to imitate you?  

Journey to Emotional Maturity

So, how does one begin to work towards emotional health?

• Start with an honest self-inventory: 

• How do you handle your own emotions and those of others? (e.g.: Do you deny/ignore all feelings, or do you go to the opposite extreme of letting emotions control you?)

• What do your relationships look like? (e.g.: How do you interact with others? Are you loving, patient, kind? Do you have healthy boundaries?)

• How do you deal with conflict? (e.g.: Do you avoid it at all costs? Are you overly confrontational?)

• Do you have past hurts and/or traumas that still have a strong hold on you?

• Take note of the patterns you see in your life and aim your prayers at those specific targets. 

• Spend time in the Word of God to gain a deeper understanding of who God is and how we should live in light of his Kingdom. 

• See a professional counselor who can offer wisdom and guidance as you process past hurts and overcome areas where you feel stuck.  

Eternal Impact

The investment you make in your mental and emotional health will bear eternal fruit in the Kingdom of God, affecting not only yourself and those in your immediate circle, but also generations to come. So take an honest look at yourself and your spiritual/emotional health. Allow Christ to touch those areas that need growth and healing. It may be hard work, but it is so worth it.  

The Good Shepherd

Do you ever get so overwhelmed by His Love that it hurts? The realization that we are not worthy of what He so generously gives (Matthew 10:8). His Love is so whole, complete, so unwavering that He will leave the 99 for that one lost sheep.  I want to believe that we all at some point in our lives, have been that one lost sheep that wandered off a little too far from Him. Jesus as our Good Shepherd (John 10:14) leaves the 99 to go and find us and brings us back (Matthew 18:12). He puts us on His shoulders and with tender love He would tell us how much He missed us, how happy He is to have found us.  Ohh, only He can love us like that!

And what happens to the 99 while Jesus in His mercy goes and finds the one?  Do we let the oil in our lamps run dry? Absolutely not! The Holy Spirit remains with us, He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). We need to stand firm and courageous.  It takes faith, courage, and strength in the waiting; waiting for the answers, like not now, soon, no, yes, maybe, or for some, we won't get our answer until we are in His presence. 

I want to be one of the 99, where my faith is so strong that it is unmovable in the presence of a storm.  That my joy is constant, even if my circumstances are compromised, when relationships are crumbling, when my heart is the loneliest, and my mind is full of lies about how unworthy I am.  I want to “be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.” (Colossians 1:9-12)

I want to be the 99, just like the church, His bride, waiting for His return.  That He would say Well done, good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23).  And I would respond, I was strong because in my weakness You were there!

How to persevere and honor God in the midst of suffering: Part 2

The Reality of Suffering

Part one of this blog focused on persevering through our own suffering. Part two will focus on how to love others well when they are suffering. Suffering is an unavoidable fact of life. We can’t turn on the news without hearing about some sort of tragedy, and we all have either experienced or know someone who has experienced a major loss, illness, abuse, or broken relationship. Unfortunately, many of us don’t know what to do when someone comes to us with those painful realities, which can then lead to more hurt and even more broken relationships. In order to love others well, we need to have a biblical understanding of suffering and how to approach it.

What’s the issue?

The problem we find among Christians is that we often deny pain and suffering. We try to avoid our own pain, hiding behind smiling facades, and we shut down others’ pain through shame and spiritual platitudes. There are three major reasons why we shut down the pain of others:

1. Suffering flies in the face of what we believe about God and Christianity. Many believe that being a Christian means an easy, pain-free life. On the contrary, Jesus said that in this world we will have trouble. Scripture is replete with believers who faced trials, persecution, and unspeakable suffering. While we undoubtedly have hope, peace, and joy through Jesus, that truth does not negate our very real pain.

2. It feels threatening. Other people’s suffering rubs against unhealed places within ourselves that make us feel uneasy. For example, if you grew up in a home where you were only allowed to express positive emotions, you may feel uncomfortable when you’re around someone who is crying or grieving. If you haven’t sought healing for the abuse you endured, the divorce you went through, or any other painful experience, then it may feel uncomfortable to be around someone who is going through something similar.

3. We don’t always know how to respond. What do you say when someone loses a loved one? What about when they come to you with a story of horrific abuse? Or maybe you know someone with chronic pain? Not knowing what to say leads us to anxiously throw Scripture at them or we may simply try to avoid them altogether.

Loving the One Who Is Suffering

How might you support someone who is in the midst of deep pain?

• Use the ministry of presence. Being present with them in their pain, even without saying anything, is a powerful gift.

• Let them know you’re available if they want to talk. You may not have all the answers for them but simply listening to someone may help them to feel less alone.

• Connect them to other people or resources that may be helpful (i.e. counseling, food pantries, support groups, etc)

• Reach out and ask them if they want company or if they prefer to be alone.

• Offer practical help if that’s the need - bring them food, do their dishes, pay a bill, etc.

• Avoid shaming and spiritual bypassing (i.e. “have more faith,” “leave it at the cross,” “God never gives you more than you can handle,” etc.)

• PRAY for them! Never underestimate when someone comes to mind. It could be the Holy Spirit nudging you to reach out to them and/or to pray for them.

• Ask God for wisdom. There’s a time to offer exhortation and encouragement, and there’s a time to be silent and to simply weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

• Allow Christ to touch the unhealed places in your life so that you don’t react to others’ pain out of your own woundedness.

Bearing Each Other’s Burdens
Walking with others in their pain may require some level of sacrifice, but we are called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). That doesn’t mean doing for someone what they can do for themselves, but to help them carry a load that is too heavy on their own. We need each other! This is one of the beautiful things about being in Christian community and being part of the body of Christ - we don’t have to walk the road of suffering alone. If you want to love others well in their pain, then take some time to examine your own thoughts and feelings about suffering. Allow God to heal what needs to be healed and to renew what needs to be renewed in your heart and mind. He will use you as a vessel to bring encouragement and hope to those who are hurting. 

How to persevere and honor God in the midst of suffering: Part 1

Why do we suffer?

Have you ever had a time in your life that was really hard and painful? If you live on this earth, then your answer is probably YES. No matter one’s personality, ethnicity, culture, family dynamics, religion, or socioeconomic status, we ALL have experienced some level of pain and suffering. There are three primary reasons why we suffer: (1) other people’s sin against us, (2) our own sin, and (3) the simple fact that we live in a fallen world. Man’s original sin in Genesis 3 has far reaching tentacles that touch so many aspects of our lives, including our physical and mental health. Nobody is immune. Part one of this blog will focus on our own suffering. Part two will focus on how to love others in their suffering.

Questioning God

I am well acquainted with pain both in my personal life and in my professional life as a mental health counselor. Nothing shakes our faith more than pain and suffering. We feel confused and begin to question God. How could he let this happen? Why didn’t he protect me? If he’s good, why is there so much evil? I can’t even pretend to know all the answers to those questions. There is a profound mystery in God’s sovereignty and so much we will never wrap our minds around on this side of heaven. That’s a hard truth to accept, especially if you struggle to let go of control. But one thing I have learned in my own walk is that it’s okay to grieve what we don’t understand about God. It’s okay to bring your doubts and questions to him. It’s okay to lament. There are dozens of Psalms where King David, the man after God’s own heart, cries out to God with fears, doubts, and confusion. God is not afraid of your big emotions. One of the most beautiful things I find in David’s laments is that they often end in praise. He lets out unfiltered cries and accusations, and then he starts worshiping God’s goodness and faithfulness. 

Outwitting the enemy

Remember when Satan came along to tempt Jesus in the wilderness? Jesus resisted all his attempts, but Satan didn’t give up for good. He left Jesus until an “opportune time” (Luke 4:13). Suffering definitely presents itself as an opportune time for Satan to swoop in and wreak havoc in our life. Here are some tips to outwit the enemy: 

• Resist isolating. Isolation gives Satan an opportunity to trap you into his lies and to distort your ways of thinking, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and even apostasy. Stay connected to the body of Christ and allow trustworthy individuals to walk alongside you. 

• Don’t be afraid to tell God what you’re honestly thinking and feeling. He already knows anyway, so you’re not fooling him with your self-protective, polished prayers. 

• Allow yourself to truly grieve, whether it’s a death, the loss of your childhood innocence, broken relationships, the effects of chronic pain, etc. Seek counseling if you need someone to help you navigate and process the grief. 

• Grasp firmly to the truth that God is good, even when your circumstances are not good. Stay rooted in His Word, and guard your heart against unforgiveness, bitterness, and pride. 

• Remember you are living in the tension between “already” and “not yet”, meaning we are already taking part in the Kingdom of God, but His Kingdom has not yet reached its full expression. So although sin and death have already been defeated through Jesus, its final defeat has not yet happened in this life or in our bodies. But one day it will. So, live out your faith in the direction of that promise. 

• Don’t forget that even when you’re in a physical battle, you’re also always in a SPIRITUAL battle. Be mindful of Satan’s strategies against you and use spiritual weapons, like prayer and Scripture.

Grace to endure
Unfortunately, we cannot avoid dealing with pain and suffering in this life, but your pain does not have to own you. While it may be part of your story, it isn’t the main character. When the pain feels unending and God seems absent, remember that his grace does not always mean rescuing us from our circumstances; sometimes his grace is found in our power to endure and to persevere. “The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast”(1 Peter 5:10). Keep running the race set before you. God will not waste your pain. He sees you. He loves you. He remains on His throne and your pain will not have the final word.