Listening with Your Eyes
Listening is often thought of as something we do with our ears — but what if the most powerful listening happens with our eyes?
In a world where so many feel unseen and misunderstood, choosing to truly see others can communicate love more deeply than words ever could. Today, let’s explore how Jesus’ encounter with the woman at the well reveals a beautiful invitation: to listen not just by hearing, but by seeing. Listening is a language that communicates love!
The Pain of Not Feeling Heard
Consider conflict you once had with someone. Amidst the arguing it’s possible one of two phrases was said: “You’re not hearing me,” or “You’re not listening to what I’m saying.” Whether you were the one who said this or the one who heard it, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “Why does this bother me so much?” If you’re not sure, try finishing this statement, “This reminds me of ……” Conflicts often touch something deeper than the topic at hand. They can stir up old wounds of feeling dismissed, invisible, or misunderstood. Recognizing what a moment reminds us of can help us see the real issue beneath the surface. To illustrate, let’s look at a common example:
Mark and Rachel were talking about finances, but their real issue was not truly hearing or seeing one another’s hearts. They were missing each others’ deeper fears, hopes, and needs. Beneath the surface of dollars and decisions was something more tender: a longing to be understood, valued, and supported.
Is it possible that with the scenario above or with the one you considered from your own life that, deep down, lack of listening communicated a deeper message: “I feel unseen. I feel unknown. I feel misunderstood.” And, ultimately, “I feel unloved.” The reality is, all can be true when we feel unheard or unseen. The Woman at the Well is all too familiar with this experience.
Seen, Known, and Loved: Encountering Jesus
In John 4, a Samaritan woman came to a local well to draw water. A man (whom we know is Jesus, but the woman is not yet aware) sat off to the side and asked her to give Him some water. Realizing He was a Jew, the Samaritan woman questioned why He would ask her for a drink (in this time, Jews and Samaritans did not associate with one another). It was politically incorrect, to put it simply.
While the Samaritan woman could not understand why this Jew was not only talking to her, but listening to what she was saying, she continued to converse with this Man. He spoke of water far greater than any well could hold – water that would allow man and woman to never thirst again – water that only He could give.
“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The woman asked Him to give her this eternal water so she would no longer thirst. The Man replied: “Go get your husband and come back.” When the woman responded that she had no husband, that is when the Man spoke of what no one else could know but the Messiah Himself: “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4:18, NIV)
After the woman thought this Man was a prophet, the Man finally revealed Himself as the Messiah. “Then Jesus declared, ‘I, the One speaking to you – I am He’.” (John 4:26, NIV) The woman then went back into town and told everyone of the Messiah Who told her everything that she ever did. Because of this, Scripture tells us that “…many of the Samaritans from that town believed in Him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I ever did’.” (John 4:39, NIV)
What does the interaction between Jesus and the Samaritan woman teach us about listening?
While the Scripture about the Woman at the Well is solely focused on how and where and from Whom to receive the Living Water, we can learn a thing or two from Jesus within this interaction and conversation.
Jesus Met Her Where She Was
The first notable point is that Jesus met her at the well. He strategically positioned Himself to meet her where she was at, and not only for when she arrived, but before. Jesus came to the well in anticipation of her arrival. He went before her, making the necessary preparations for when she would show up.
When the woman came to the well, Jesus was willing to see her – not as a Samaritan woman who is not to be conversing with a Jew, not as someone who had been accused and judged by others because of her actions, and not as an individual who was used to being misunderstood, unheard, and not listened to, but as a daughter of the Heavenly Father worthy to be FOUND, worthy to be SEEN, worthy to be HEARD, worthy to be UNDERSTOOD, and worthy to be LOVED.
Jesus Listened With His Ears and His Eyes
The second notable point is that Jesus listened. He listened with His ears to understand what the woman was saying, yes. But He also listened with His eyes to see the woman – not for what she had done, but for who she was, and for Who she belonged to. He saw her, and He recalled her actions not with accusation but as an account that communicated to her: He knows me. Intimately.
And it was that act of Jesus that became the woman’s testimony that saved the lives of many. Why? All because Jesus listened.
Whole-body Listening
Listening isn’t always done with just our ears. Listening, often, happens more with our eyes. While our ears are needed to hear someone, our eyes are necessary to see someone. But like Jesus exemplified, listening isn’t the first step; strategically positioning yourself is.
Present Position: We want to position ourselves into a posture that promises to the person speaking to us that we are present. We are engaged and ready to receive what they are eager to express. This communicates to them that we are meeting them where they are at. You can use these small physical cues to signal that you are present and focused: put down distractions, maintain eye contact, and face the person directly with your arms uncrossed and body open.
Listen to the Words: We want to listen to the words that someone is speaking to us, and we want to listen to their language. Do their words reflect catastrophizing (“This is a disaster!” / “My life is over!”), exaggerating, or all-or-nothing thinking (always, never, everyone, no one)? These can all indicate that a person is feeling overwhelmed, helpless, frustrated, anxious, depressed or trapped.
Hear the Emotions: We want to hear, not just what they are saying, but how they are feeling. What emotions can you hear drowning in their dialogue? Can you tune into the emotional tone of their voice? Are they sounding anxious, sad, or hopeful? Are they speaking quickly (may indicate urgency or anxiety) or slowly (may suggest thoughtfulness or sadness)? Are they speaking loudly (possible anger or frustration) or quietly (may indicate shyness or uncertainty)? Identifying the emotions behind the words will help you connect with their heart.
See the Whole Person: We want to see the person for all that they are, not just what they’ve done. This allows us to pause and process what is being spoken through a lens of grace. Because when we see the person as what they’ve done, we can be quick to quiet them, leaving them feeling unheard, misunderstood, and, ultimately, unloved. But when we actively choose to see them as a whole person instead, we are better able to receive their words through a heart of acceptance vs. a head of accusation.
We can pray that God will open the eyes of our hearts and see what He sees. We can view others as image-bearers of God, beloved sons or daughters, created in love and for love. For example, rather than seeing a spouse’s frustration only as impatience, we can remember they are a person carrying fears and longings. Instead of viewing a teenager’s sarcasm solely as rebellion, we can see a heart that longs to be known and free.
Final Encouragement
Are you ready to put that all together? Next time you’re chatting with a colleague, speaking with your spouse, talking with your teen, or fighting with your friend, remember our whole-body listening tips: Position yourself into a posture that welcomes their words and listen with your eyes.
Jesus models this kind of listening. He doesn't just hear our words — He sees our hearts. As we follow His example, may we become people who truly listen, offering others the healing experience of being seen, known, and loved. If you find yourself longing to be heard or hoping to listen better, know that you don't walk alone. Reach out today!
At Boundless Hope, we are here to walk with you on your journey toward deeper connection and Christ-like love.