When Feelings Speak Louder Than Truth
Some days we wake up and feel unlovable. Other days, we feel small, ashamed, or like a failure. Feelings can be so powerful that they seem to define us. When they’re heavy, it’s easy to assume they must be telling the truth. But here’s the paradox: our feelings are always real and valuable, but they’re not always reliable truth-tellers.
Feelings are signals. They point to what we’re experiencing, fearing, or desire. They matter, and they deserve compassion. But they don’t tell the full story of who we are. For example, feeling unworthy doesn’t mean you are unworthy. Feeling invisible doesn’t mean you are unseen. We often express our beliefs prefaced by the word “feel” instead of “think.” Thoughts or beliefs can be factual or unfactual but feelings don’t fall into either of those categories.
It is wise and healthy to consider our thoughts and weigh them against the truth. However, emotions are different. They are meant to give us information. Emotions are best viewed as data, not directives. They’re like dashboard warning lights; Emotions alert us to pay attention, but they don’t always diagnose the problem accurately.
Imagine you text a friend and don’t hear back for hours. A wave of emotion rises; maybe you feel anxiety, rejection, or loneliness. The feeling might cause you to think: "I’m not important. They don’t care about me."
That feeling is a signal. It’s pointing to a deeper need: connection and reassurance. But the feeling itself doesn’t prove the thought is true. When we check the facts, we might realize: “My friend could just be busy, driving, or dealing with their own stress.”
The emotion gave us data. It tells us that we are longing for closeness, feel insecure in the relationship, etc. But it’s not a directive to spiral into self-doubt.
This is where some skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help us sort through emotions with wisdom. These skills line up beautifully with Scripture’s invitation to be honest about what we feel, yet anchored in God’s unchanging truth.
Skill 1: Wise Mind – Bringing Balance
In DBT, Wise Mind is the place where our Emotional Mind (how we feel in the moment) and our Reasonable Mind (logic and facts) come together. When you’re caught in a storm of self-doubt, Wise Mind helps you pause, breathe, and remember: My feelings are true to my experience, but they’re not the whole truth. In the example above, using Wise Mind would look like pausing, breathing, and allowing yourself to feel lonely, sad, or anxious. But don’t stop there. Tell God about those feelings and recall His truth: “I am seen, chosen, and loved, even in moments when others feel distant.”
David modeled this in the Psalms. He poured out emotions of despair, fear, and even abandonment, yet he always circled back to God’s promises. That’s Wise Mind in action: validating the feelings while also holding onto truth. If you skip the step of feeling, you are missing valuable information that can help you grow/heal. You are also putting yourself at risk of spiritual bypassing.
Skill 2: Check the Facts – Testing Thoughts Inspired By Feelings Against Reality
When emotions shout loudly, ask: What are the actual facts?
Thought Inspired by Feeling: “I’m a failure.”
Fact: “I made one mistake, but I’ve also done many things well.”
Thought Inspired by Feeling: “I’m invisible.”
Fact: “I was overlooked in this moment, but I matter deeply to God and to others.”
Scripture is a great resource to check the facts. For example, Romans 8:1 says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Even if we feel condemned, the fact of God’s grace remains.
Have you ever sent out an email with a typo in it, and later someone points it out? If you struggle with perfectionism, you may feel a rush of shame and think: “I can’t do anything right. Everyone probably thinks I’m incompetent.” Notice there was a feeling and a thought.
Feeling: Shame
Thought: I’m incompetent.
In this scenario, when you check the facts, you may say to yourself, “I made one mistake in an email. The truth is, I usually communicate well, and this error doesn’t erase that. Other people make mistakes too.”
Skill 3: Opposite Action – Choosing What Heals
Our emotions often urge us to act in ways that deepen the pain. Shame says, "Hide." Fear says, "Fight, Freeze, or Run." Loneliness says, "Stay silent." DBT teaches us to practice Opposite Action: do the opposite of what the unhelpful emotion is pushing us toward.
When shame says hide → reach out for support
When sadness says isolate → go for a walk, meet with a friend, or worship.
When fear says run → take the next faithful step forward.
Returning to the earlier example about making a mistake on an email, your emotions may tempt you to be defensive when your error is pointed out or to berate yourself. However, an Opposite Action approach would be to acknowledge your mistake with humility, send a corrected email, laugh it off if appropriate, and carry on with your day. You might even remind yourself aloud: “I’m still capable and valuable.” Proverbs 24:16 says, “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” Hiding in shame will increase your pain, but rising and continuing forward will lead to growth.
Skill 4: Radical Acceptance – Honoring What Is
Sometimes, the most healing thing we can do is practice Radical Acceptance: acknowledging reality without judgment.
Consider how Radical Acceptance may help you to cope with the grief felt by estrangement from a family member. You’ve prayed, reached out, taken responsibility for your role in the rupture, and tried everything you can to repair the relationship but they remain distant and unresponsive. Your grief feels heavy, and part of you wants to keep fighting against the reality that things aren’t changing. You may even be making things worse by fighting against the truth that the family member doesn’t want to be close right now.
Radical Acceptance “This relationship is strained right now, and I cannot make them respond differently. I feel grief, and that grief is real.”
When we stop resisting the truth of what is, we free ourselves from the added suffering of “it shouldn’t be this way.” Instead, we can bring our pain honestly to God. Even Jesus modeled this in Gethsemane when He said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). He didn’t deny His pain. He entrusted Himself to the Father.
Radical Acceptance says:
“I don’t like this reality, but I accept that this is where things stand today.”
“God, I entrust what I cannot control into Your hands.”
“I can still choose peace, even while I wait.”
Radical Acceptance isn’t resignation or agreement. It’s releasing judgment and fight against reality so we can conserve our strength for healing and trust God with what we can’t change.
Skill 5: Self-Soothing – Finding God in the Senses
DBT also encourages self-soothing through the five senses. It offers ways of grounding the body so the heart and mind can re-center.
Sight: Light a candle, look at nature, or open Scripture visually.
Sound: Listen to calming worship music.
Smell: Breathe in something comforting, like coffee or essential oils.
Touch: Wrap up in a blanket or hold a cross in your hand.
Taste: Slowly enjoy a warm cup of tea or nourishing food.
God designed our senses as pathways back to the safety of His presence.
The Final Word
Friend, your feelings matter, but they don’t get the final say.
When guilt says, “You’re unforgivable,” God says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
When loneliness whispers, “You are invisible,” God says, “I see you” (Genesis 16:13).
When fear says, “You’re a failure,” God says, “My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
The truth is, whether you feel it or not:
You are loved.
You are valuable.
You are worthy.
You belong.
Your feelings are real, but they are not your identity. Your identity is secure in the heart of a loving Father who calls you His own.