Pray, Believe, & Act
Maya and David had been married for ten years. Maya loved him deeply, but their marriage carried a heavy weight. David struggled with a porn addiction and over time this had become part of a broader pattern of emotional harm. Maya would scold herself when she began to despair or lose hope. Love always hopes and she did love David!
In quiet moments of honesty, Maya admitted to herself that she felt hurt, unseen, and often fearful of being dismissed or manipulated by her husband. Yet she held on to her faith. She reasoned that if she could just be understanding, forgiving, and supportive, God would eventually answer her prayers for David’s repentance.
At her weekly Bible study, Maya’s friends encouraged her to be a devoted, prayerful wife. They reminded her not to lose faith, quoting scriptures like Ephesians 5:22–23 about wives submitting to their husbands and Matthew 11:29 about humbling herself like Jesus. “Do not give up hope. God sees your perseverance.” They urged patience and endurance, reinforcing that prayer and hope were all she could do; stay in the lane God assigned to her.
Maya prayed diligently, imagining David transformed, believing that God could heal him, and holding onto the vision of a restored marriage. After each prayer, the hurt remained, the patterns repeated, and hope alone never seemed to shift reality. She wondered why her prayers didn’t bring the change she longed for. Did her suffering please God?
One day at church, Maya opened up to a woman who prayed with her. The woman said something Maya had never heard before. She said, “Maya, enduring harm without setting boundaries or taking whichever wise steps you can to protect yourself does not glorify God. Hope is meant to flow from Him, not from a willingness to tolerate ongoing pain. Holding on without action can feel spiritual, but it can also become like hopium, a hope that functions like a drug. It soothes the heart while ignoring reality and keeping true change out of reach.”
Facing the Facts Without Abandoning Faith
If Maya’s story resonates, you are not alone. In relationships with spouses, children, friends, family members, or coworkers, we often see potential. We believe someone could grow. We pray for change. We imagine a better future. We hold onto hope.
Hope itself is not the problem. Hope is a gift from God. But hope that is detached from reality and unaccompanied by action can quietly shift into something unhealthy. When hope becomes a way to avoid grief, fear, anger, or truth, it can stop being faith and start functioning as denial.
Scripture offers a powerful example of faith rooted in reality through Abraham. Romans tells us that Abraham faced the fact that his body was as good as dead and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. He did not deny reality. He did not minimize the facts. And yet, he chose faith. His hope was grounded in a direct promise God had made to him personally. Abraham’s faith was not wishful thinking. It was trust anchored in a promise.
This matters. Abraham faced the facts and chose faith because God had spoken. Many of us skip the first step. We try to believe without facing reality. Or we cling to hope without clarity about whether God has actually promised what we are hoping for.
Healthy hope allows space to grieve present pain while trusting God with the future. It does not require pretending things are better than they are. Biblical faith never asks us to deny reality.
When Hope Turns Into Hopium
Hope has a God-designed capacity to soothe emotional pain. That is part of its beauty. But when hope is used to avoid action or silence truth, it becomes something else. The colloquial word for this is hopium.
Hopium feels spiritual. It often sounds faithful. But it functions like a sedative for the soul. It creates emotional relief without resolution. It calms anxiety temporarily while keeping real change out of reach.
Hopium often shows up in statements like:
~ “I just need to pray harder and have more faith. Other than that, my hands are tied.”
~ “God will change them if I wait and persevere.”
~ “Everything happens for a reason so I must endure until it becomes clear.”
None of these statements are wrong on their own. Prayer matters. God does change hearts. Endurance has meaning. The danger comes when these beliefs are used to silence fear, grief, anger, or wisdom. When hope replaces action rather than fueling it, it keeps people stuck.
In relationships, hopium often looks like imagining a better future while ignoring present patterns, praying for transformation while repeated harm continues, or feeling spiritually righteous for enduring without taking protective steps. It can delay difficult conversations, boundary setting, or necessary decisions for years.
Hopium is not trust in God. It is avoidance dressed in spiritual language.
Hopium and Spiritual Bypassing
Hopium is a form of spiritual bypassing, a phrase for when spiritual beliefs or practices are used to avoid painful emotional realities. It can sound like faith, but it functions as disconnection. Waiting passively for change, excusing harm through selective scripture, or believing endurance alone equals faithfulness are all forms of bypassing. These patterns may feel holy, but they are not faithful responses to truth.
Scripture consistently shows people trusting God while responding wisely to reality. Faith is not passive. God’s people pray, believe, and act.
Pray and Act as a Biblical Pattern
In Nehemiah, during the rebuilding of Jerusalem’s wall, the people faced real danger. Enemies threatened their work. Fear rose quickly. Yet the response was clear and balanced. Scripture records that they prayed to God and posted a guard day and night.
They did not choose prayer instead of action. They chose prayer AND action. They trusted God with the outcome while taking responsibility for wise protection.
This pattern matters for relationships. Faithful action is not a lack of faith. Setting boundaries, seeking counseling, confronting harmful behavior, or protecting oneself are not spiritual failures. They are acts of stewardship.
Faith and Hope Are in God, Not Our Endurance
Many believers quietly assume that faith means enduring indefinitely. Verses about strength, perseverance, and submission are sometimes misapplied in ways that shift responsibility onto the one being harmed.
Our hope is not in our ability to endure. Our hope is in God’s character, power, and love. When we cling to hope as if it were our job to hold everything together, our arms become full of expectations, fears, and imagined outcomes. There is little room left to cling to God Himself.
True hope rests in God, not in our tolerance for pain.
Misapplied Scripture and Harmful Expectations
Certain passages are frequently used to pressure women to remain in unhealthy or abusive relationships. Teachings on submission, humility, or suffering are sometimes applied without discernment or context. These scriptures were never intended to justify harm or silence pain.
Let’s be clear:
~ Submission was never permission for abuse.
~ Endurance was never a command to remain unsafe.
~ Discernment is not rebellion.
~ Boundaries are not bitterness.
~ Courageous action does not contradict faith.
What Healthy Hope Looks Like in Practice
Healthy hope combines belief in God’s power with wise action in the present.
Observe Reality
Notice behavior and prioritize that over intentions.
Are actions aligning with words?
Are patterns changing or repeating?
Set and Maintain Boundaries
Boundaries protect emotional, spiritual, and physical well being.
They are acts of love and clarity, not punishment.
Act Wisely
Small actions matter. Go in the strength that you have. (Judges 6:14)
Actions may include honest conversations, counseling, accountability, or protective steps.
Pray and Release Outcomes to God
You are responsible for faithful action, not for controlling results.
Control what you can control…your choices.
Repeat the process.
Relationships evolve.
Regularly ask yourself, “Is hope inspiring possible action or replacing it?”
Spotting Hopium in Your Own Life
Hopium may be present if you notice patterns such as feeling spiritually righteous for enduring pain, relying on prayer alone when practical steps exist, using scripture to justify staying in harm, imagining outcomes that consistently contradict reality, or trusting your endurance rather than God’s care. Many Christian women are taught to endure, forgive, and believe in others’ potential. These virtues are beautiful. But when hope replaces action, they can become harmful.
You cannot change another person. You can choose your boundaries, responses, and actions. Faith invites trust in God, not denial of reality. Healthy hope protects your spiritual health rather than eroding it. Discerning what to act on and what to release is difficult.
Pray, Believe, & Act
Hope and faith are sacred gifts. But hope that ignores reality can trap us in harmful patterns. Healthy hope combines prayer with action, belief with discernment, and trust with boundaries. Counseling, mentorship, and spiritual guidance can help you recognize hopium, clarify responsibility, set boundaries without abandoning faith, process grief and fear, and take empowered steps.
Like the people rebuilding the wall, we are called to pray, believe, and act. We trust God with outcomes while responding faithfully to what is happening now. You are responsible for your actions, your safety, and your obedience. God holds the results. When faith and action work together, relationships and lives become sustainable, healing, and aligned with God’s heart.
True hope rests in Him, not in our ability to hold on.